Melancholy Blue

I am just feeling blue today. I have been really emotional lately anyway, and the cancellation of the concert just made me feel down in the dumps. But it's not really even about the concert—it's more about how I build things up in my mind so much that I set myself up for a big disappointment when something goes wrong. I get so wrapped up in looking forward to what’s coming next in my life, that sometimes I forget to live in the moment and enjoy it. I tend to look at my life as a scheduled timeline of plans, activities, holidays, etc., to keep me optimistic. All summer I counted down the days to vacation, then my birthday, then Indianapolis, then Coldplay, my mom's visit...and it goes on and on through Thanksgiving, Christmas...etc. As time passes and vacation comes to an end, people visit and leave, and holidays come and go—instead of dwelling on how sad it makes me, I just search for something else to look forward to. I guess I’ve always been like this, and I think I need to try to change it. I can remember as a child I used to cry on Christmas after opening gifts—not because I didn’t get all the toys on my list, but because all of the magic and excitement leading up to the Holidays were over in 45 minutes. I have obviously gotten over the whole crying-at-Christmas-thing, and I think it’s because I learned to force myself to focus on the new year ahead, then the end of winter, summer coming, then we would have vacation, etc. I suppose this way of looking forward to good times ahead helps me get through the monotony of everyday life and protects me from spiraling into depression every time something comes to an end. But, I realize that I need to start cherishing every single day—rather than just anticipating what’s to come.

That's all. Sorry to ramble.