Gulp.

I have a lump in my throat. No, seriously. I think I'm dying. For over a month now, I have had this weird nodule on the right side of my esophagus that produces an annoyingly painful popping and clicking sensation every time I swallow. Every. Single. Swallow. I initially thought it was like an eye twitch and would resolve itself within a couple of days. It started off as a mild sore throat and has gradually escalated to the pure agony in which I find myself now. In order for me to relieve the clicking in my throat, I must cock my head to the right side every time I swallow. First of all, this looks ridiculous, it’s distracting, and makes falling asleep nearly impossible. And second, do you realize how many times you swallow in a day? It must be hundreds of thousands. Being aware of this automatic function is like having to make a concious effort to breathe. The simple act of swallowing my own saliva has taken over my life, and is driving me insane. I am convinced it is either thyroid cancer or a goiter. I don't even know what a goiter is, but--Holy Lord!! Did you see that thing?! I’m going to the doctor tomorrow and I suppose he’ll tell me if I should start stocking up on scarves to cover that mofo up or what my treatment plan will be. I can tell you this: Come scurvy or goiter—Ye can’t stop me swashbuckling this weekend! Nothin's gonna shiver me timbers! Arrrrrgggh!