Whitey McAshy

Do you remember the girl from America’s Next Top Model who was blind and they dyed her hair and made her look like “Powder" for the rest of the show? Yeah, well, that’s pretty much me. No, I don't have any loss of eyesight. However, I’m worried that if I catch a glimpse of myself in natural light, I may go blind from the reflection of my whiteness. It really amplified yesterday when I went for a haircut and touch-up on my highlights and my stylist suggested we try a product that she loves called Shades Above. It is supposed to take your natural color roots and subtly lighten them to blend in with your lighter ends; and then she adds a few highlights to give it depth. Sounded great to me. Whatever—as long as I didn’t look like this. When I got home, I decided that the hair color looked good, but it seriously accentuated the level of my pastiness. Something about the way my skin and hair just blended together was reminiscent of a Q-tip. I was startled because I hadn't seen myself in this state of monochromatic pallor since I lived in Indiana and seldom saw the light of day. Back then, I would have immediately made an appointment at the tanning bed to rotisser-ize myself to a crispy brown. Not anymore. I merely want some color on my cheeks and a healthy sun-kissed glow—I don’t want to look like a walking chitlin. Gone are the days of going to the “tanner” (as Sarah calls it). It's time to get serious about taking better care of my skin. I mean, I live in the Sunshine State, I was a lifeguard for years, and I have been a sun-worshipper all my life--I'm going to look like this if I’m not careful. So, SPF is my new BFF. Saying that makes me die a little bit inside, because I adore the fresh radiance and dusting of freckles after a day at the beach. I will always allow myself to feel the warm sun on my face, but I'll just have to be more careful. You know, "everything in moderation." For the time being, I will be in search of a safer alternative to those glorious UV rays so that people can distinguish my pale face from my pale hair. Whether it’s rouge (I just loved when my Grandma said that), a facial, or Mystic Tan--I’m on a mission to bring some life back into my skin because constantly pinching my cheeks is really starting to hurt.