On the Edge

Good morning and happy Valentine’s Day. I have already eaten 3 Hershey’s kisses, a handful of sweet tarts, and 1 cupcake and it’s not even 10:00am. The sugar high, in combination with my normally excessive caffeine intake, is forcing my thoughts to race and my fingers to frantically type. I don’t even know what I’m writing about. I am sitting here in my empty office, not really knowing what to do with myself. I have finished all of my projects, found replacements on all my committees, and tied up all of my loose ends here at work. Tomorrow is my last day at the Health Department. It’s the last day I will report to an office, sit under fluorescent lights, stare at a computer screen until my eyes burn, and count down the minutes until 4:00. Tomorrow is the last day of this predictable, yet comfortable, monotony. I feel such a rush of anticipation as I think about how my life is about to change, and I am absolutely terrified at the same time. I have heard the horror stories about the intense and grueling pharmaceutical sales training—people mispronouncing ‘naphthalenecarboxylate,’ and being sent home on the next flight. Shamed and jobless. I am scared of failure. I have a feeling it is going to be the toughest process I have ever been through, but I have never been more ready for a challenge. Things were getting stagnant here in my job and I am sure my brain would have started to atrophy if I had stayed much longer. Well, my brain is not going to have that problem now because I am about to become a human sponge soaking up pharmacology, efficacy data, sales models, clinical trials, immunogenicity....it is going to rock my world. But, stepping outside your comfort zone and having your “world rocked” is what makes life interesting. Every time I have taken risks—grad school, moving to Florida—the lessons learned and the rewards received have been priceless. It’s just this anticipatory period, right before jumping, that is the hardest.