Gettin' Crafty At The Office

Today was “Decorate Your Stocking Day” at work and I swear I was in an episode of The Office. Unfortunately, I didn’t have anyone like Pam or Jim to share in the awkward comic splendor, so I have my blog. --I love my little blog. Oh my pretty blog, I stroke it and I pet it and I massage it. Hee hee, I love it. I love my little naughty blog. You're naughty! --OK, sorry. Tommy Boy was on last night so it's on-the-brain. OK, back to the office. After lunch the “Christmas Party Coordinator" instructed everyone to stop by the break room to decorate a stocking to hang on the walls of the clinic. When I walked through the door I saw a large table filled with red felt stockings, decorating supplies, and pure pandemonium—you should have seen these ladies snatching ribbons, fighting over sequins and hoarding puffy paint. Once the glitter tornado subsided, I picked up a stocking and wrote my name on it, bedazzled the heck out of it--and that was that. I didn’t really didn't give it much thought. I mean, it's a stocking. And it wasn't going anywhere near my mantle, so I couldn't care less what it looked like. Well, I definitely wasn’t prepared for how serious people would take this activity, nor how intense Christmas crafts could be. I saw true personalities and insecurities revealed, a couple of arguments, and some catty office gossip afterwards. I loved it. Here are a few of the stocking-makers I observed:

• Miss. “Passive Aggressive” Stocking Maker: This woman proudly pranced around looking over everyone’s shoulders as they worked on their stockings. She then began displaying her self-proclaimed “beeeeeuuuuuutiful creation” while condescendingly announcing that she would “be happy to help anyone.” Yeah, thanks. By the way, your name was crooked and the bows were so not symmetrical.
• Mrs. “Homework Assignment” Stocking Maker: She spent at least an hour just writing her name in glitter (using a ruler to ensure that it was straight), and when her supervisor asked that she pick up the pace, she decided to work on it at home. She said that she “would be able to be more creative there anyway.” I was starting to feel inadequate for not spending extra time at home perfecting a felt stocking, and then I remembered that I would rather "gouge out my eyeballs with screwdrivers" than work on my stocking in my precious free time.
  
• The team-up of “I’m Not Artistic” Stocking Maker and the “I am an Arteeeeeest!” Stocking Maker: Miss “I'm Not Artistic” sulked around the room and whined that she “can’t do this,” and “this is too hard,” so Miss “I am an Arteeeest” was happy to assist. This was after she broadcasted to the room that she was going to start charging for her services. Come on. How hard is it to shut your yappers, write your name in glue and dump on some sparkles, and then get back to work, people!? Your shenanigans are costing the taxpayers money here.
• Mr. “Too-Cool-For-School” Stocking Maker: He waltzed into the break room, sneered, and mumbled something about how ridiculous this was. So he wrote his name in black Sharpie down the middle of the stocking. I had a hard time holding in my laughter as the red felt stuck and gummed up all over the tip of the marker and he struggled frantically while glancing around in hopes that no one noticed him actually caring about such an elementary task.
• Miss. “Susie-Suck-Up” Stocking Maker: Not only did she praise everyone over and over about how “wondrous and glorious” their stockings were, but she also made 3 extra stockings for each of the supervisors and filled them with candy. Poor Dear, no matter how hard you try, Christmas bonuses will not be influenced by your brown-nosing or your leftover Halloween candy in a cheap red sock.

Happy Holidays!