TV Timeout

I'm not working today due to Hurricane Wilma coming through last night and pretty much shutting down the surrounding counties. It went south of us, so we just got some rain and a little wind--but no damage. So, I have a free day off work to mop the floors, read a good book, watch TV. I despise reality shows—but I seriously cannot stop watching them. Now, I like nothing more than a good documentary on TLC or the History Channel, I still loves-me-some “Karen and Jack,” and "Arrested Development" had me at hello. But there are a few reality shows that give me my fix of this guilty pleasure. Once it hits your lips, it's just so good...

• Breaking Bonaduce- Train. Wreck. Can't. Look. Away. I am addicted (ironic, doncha think?) to this show. Watching little Danny Bonaduce chug vodka, inject steroids, ride his skateboard into oncoming traffic, and slowly kill himself on national TV leaves a pit in my stomach—and I can’t take my eyes off it. But, seriously, I can see that he really loves his wife and kids but is really sick, so I’m rooting for him as he heads for rehab.
• Run’s House- I have caught the first two episodes of “Run’s House” (of Run DMC) on VH1 and I love it. Run (who is now a Reverend and a rapper?) is hilarious and it’s refreshing to see a wealthy family with kids who are not spoiled rotten—a la “Laguna Beach” (omg...Kristin is such a total skank...not that I watch it or anything...I swear). Also, Run's dog looks just like Molly, and she likes to watch other Yorkies—so I do it for her.
• Wife Swap- It makes my blood pressure rise just thinking about this show. The controlling fathers, the obsessive-compulsive mothers, the hillbilly-redneck-chauvinist husbands, the disrespectful children- ahh! Every time I watch it, I sit with my mouth agape in awe of the madness unfolding in front of me. I can’t believe people actually live like this, and I need to stop torturing myself by watching this one.

There are many more reality shows that I hate to love, but I think I'll stop before I look like I have a serious problem. I really didn't think I watched that much TV, but once I started thinking about it....I think I need a TV timeout. But, two more things:

• My award for the “Highest Ratio of Tears Shed Per Episode” goes to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I have puffy eyes every Monday after this one.
• My award for the “Most Annoying Thing on TV” goes to..... THE CIGAR!!! For those of you who don’t waste your time burning your corneas with the Apprentice: Martha Stewart...her “eyes and ears” on all of the tasks, Charles, is constantly chewing on and fondling an enormous unlit cigar. How can Martha tolerate this? She is supposedly the Queen of Etiquette and “good things,” and she says nothing while this guy is waltzing around sucking on a gigantic cigar! What he does at home is his business-but why in the boardroom? And during a children’s focus group!? Nastiness. Charles, that is definitely NOT a good thing.